I lived in the high desert of Northwestern New Mexico for nine years of my life. We were constantly in a drought, and green pastures weren’t easy to come by. Long story short, I know a thing or two about dry seasons, yet I have no clue as to how to deal with the spiritual drought that is happening in my life right now.
An interesting thing has been revealed to me during this drought, when God appears to be silent. So many questions have come flooding to my mind (See my previous blog entry). I have gotten a good glimpse of who I really am, and what kind of stuff I am truly made of.
I’d love to say that I have discovered a courageous warrior who has the endurance and stamina to press on and stand strong, but I can’t. It’d be great to be telling people about how much my trust in God is growing despite this drought, but that’d be a lie. In reality, it sucks. I get depressed, lonely and bitter. I question Him, and become entrenched in feelings of abandonment and dereliction.
For so long there has been this place in my heart that I could go to where I knew for sure God would be there to comfort me. Now I feel like either I’ve been kicked out of the club, or that God stepped out without notice. I long to be led by my Captain and King. Inspiring military leaders have a tangible presence on the battlefield, and that’s what I want, the Holy Spirit’s tangible presence in my life. I yearn for structure. Instead, I find my life in disarray. I want to follow orders, but my Leader is keeping quiet for the time being. What’s He waiting for?
The truth of the matter is that He’s not waiting. His presence is constant, and His love never fails. Sometimes I am like a child that plugs his ears and shuts his eyes tight, believing fully that because he can’t hear or see his Father, that the Father isn’t there. I fall into sinful habits, or simply just become distracted or busy. I plug me ears and close my eyes to what God is doing around me. My feelings lie to me, and I believe them.
May I unplug my ears to hear, and open my eyes to see the beauty of God around me, and feel the presence of my Captain, my King. Make it rain, God. Make it rain.
Grace Abounds 
Reblogged this on Leo Lozano.
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